My Way or the Highway

Is there only one way to get there?

We change as we age, or most of us do anyway. Things we thought were the most important in the world in our 20’s become “meh” as we get older. The experiences of life boost our wisdom and teach us how to handle problems or overcome obstacles while keeping our heads. We learn how to shake off some of the “small stuff” that used to drive us nuts. More importantly, we can look at young people who are going through many of the things we did and know when to intervene, and know when to let it be.

I’ve found over the years that, in almost all cases, people know when they are on the wrong track. It could be financially, morally, spiritually, or in numerous other ways. But, most of the time, a person (unless they are mentally ill) really does know they need to make a change.

Many of my readers know that I had the privilege of mining everything from gold to coal in 3 different states over my 30 year mining career. I ran a “blast hole drill” very similar to the one in the picture above for most of that career. Inside the cab of one of these monsters (depending on the model and size) are approximately 20 to 30 levers, buttons, and switches which all serve a purpose. (Unfortunately, I don’t have a picture of the operator controls and couldn’t find one). Please bear with me as I get to the point, and to do so is going to require a bit of background.

I’ll never forget the first time I climbed up into the cab of one of these things and looked at the control console. I was overwhelmed, but also incredibly excited to try my hand at this drilling thing. I couldn’t help but think, “man, they are going to train me to operate and be responsible for a piece of equipment that was purchased new for over 3 million dollars!”

“Don’t touch a F’n thing until I tell you to!” barked the operator who was going to train me. I thought, “ugh… I have to spend two weeks with this arsehole?” As time went on, I learned to respect this guy even though I didn’t like him and thought that I could do some things much better than he. Eventually, not only did I operate the machine better, I was faster and had fewer break downs than him. But, I couldn’t have done that without this person showing me the basics and then letting me fly on my own. “No! Don’t put your hand there, put your hand over here so you can grab this lever at the right time!” he shouted. I took a deep breath and did as he asked, even though I really had an idea that the place I had my hand would work better *for me*. I did as he asked and after 2 weeks was assigned to my own drill rig. After a few months I was flying on my own! I was free! And, you know what? I didn’t operate my rig the same way as the person that trained me. Not by a long shot. I came up with my own ways to do things that were more efficient and easier on the rig. I remember the times he would get up in my cab to visit for a minute and I could hear him mumbling under his breath. I would chuckle inside because I knew he was saying to himself, “that’s not the way I told him to do it!”

Fast forward a decade or so and I had the opportunity to begin training new operators myself. What an incredible responsibility. You see, these things can kill you. This equipment is huge with tons of moving parts and things that can fly off and cause injury or death. I was scared. I couldn’t help but think, “this guy’s life and future is in my hands.” But, unlike some other guys I had worked with, I took it very seriously and my goal was to make sure that the “newbie” succeeded no matter what. I found myself being that same guy who trained me and telling my newbie, “don’t put your hand there, put it over here!” Haha. I chuckle now.

So, why did I share that story? Because out of the dozen or so operators I trained over my career, guess how many of them operated the rig *exactly* the same way I did? One. That’s right. Just one of them (and we are still friends to this day). The others I trained went on to develop their own techniques and ways of accomplishing the same goal… but in a different way. Oh sure, the basics were all the same for sure, but the details… that’s where the differences were.

That leads me to the point of my post today. Is there only one way to attain things in our lives? Is there only just one way to find our way on this dangerous path we call life? Are we supposed to be so rigid, so inflexible, that we point at others on the same path and tell them they are “doing it wrong?”

The way I see it, is we must give others the basics and then let them find their way. We are all completely different people with completely different eyes, ears, minds, and ways of “seeing things.” Is it more important to ensure that someone is doing things exactly the way we are, or is it more important to be there for them if they get off track and need someone to help them get back on track?

Mathematicians typically only see one way to solve a problem because it’s an exact science. Two plus two is always going to equal four. For math, this works great. But does that work with things that have way too many variables? I go back to the blast hole drill. You see, the levers, buttons and switches are all over the place. They aren’t all right underneath two hands. My arms are longer than the guy who trained me so it was incredibly uncomfortable to place my hands where he told me to. My fingers are longer so I was able to reach a switch with a finger that this guy had to move his hand to reach. Both of us wanted to accomplish the same goal but, ultimately, it was impossible for us to reach it in exactly the same way.

I’ve learned during my lifetime that unless someone is going to die or go to prison by the way they are living, I need to be very careful when I address what they are doing or how they are doing it. Oh sure, my intent may be to help that person, but instead I make an enemy out of them by my inability to allow them to make their own mistakes and learn as they go. I’m often reminded of Paul’s words in the New Testament of The Holy Bible when he said, “work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” The way I read that is, “mind your P’s and Q’s and remember who you are going to answer to if you don’t!” He didn’t tell us we are supposed to work out someone else’s salvation. He reminded us we are supposed to be working on *ourselves* the best we can.

Yeah, there’s some great things about getting older. One of those is the ability to look at things that others do (especially young people and children) and make a judgement call. We may still bristle a bit and think, “oh I sure wish they wouldn’t do it (whatever that is) that way!” But most of us who have life’s experience at our heels can determine whether the way they are living their life is going to be detrimental to them, or is going to teach them how to fly on their own. We must remember this every time we have that nagging desire to tell someone “you’re doing it the wrong way!” If we don’t bite our tongues at times, we may end up causing that person we claimed to care about to give up, or worse, rebel against everything.

Losing a soul to gain an obedient automoton should never be our goal. Sometimes just a simple, “hey, I see your are trying to accomplish (fill in the blank), would you like some help?” If they say, “no, I’ve got this, I’m working it out.” That’s our cue to just say, “if you ever want any help or need someone to talk to… I’m here for you.”