Look Daddy! I've Got My Big Boy Pants On!
Where have good and confident men gone?
I don’t consider myself what is termed a “man’s man”, at least not when compared to my grandfathers. My Grandfathers on both sides of my family were workers. Both could run equipment and could also perform some “white collar” work as well. They were both intelligent, kind, and grounded. My father was equally as intelligent. He worked a blue-collar job his entire life, but he could also sit and talk for hours about world affairs, politics, and pretty much any subject you can think of. I inherited these qualities as well, but I would be fooling myself if I thought I could keep up with any of them when it comes to living a productive, manly life.
The main differences I have noticed between the three generations of men in my family compared to today’s “men” is the confidence we had/have and the lack of the need to be “affirmed” by other men. (Bosses, friends, etc). All of us were/are confident in what we do/did and derive/derived our sense of worth and satisfaction from “a job well done.”
When I compare the men in 3 generations of my own family to the “new” young men today, I am shocked by the differences.
Today’s “men” must be seen, heard and affirmed in one way or another. Constantly. Look! I’ve got a great big brand-new pickup with an exhaust system you can hear 3 miles away. I’m manly. Look! I have more tattoos on my body than any art or work I’ve actually accomplished myself. I’m manly. Look at me! I mean, do you see me?? Look! I’ve got a Harley Motorcycle that I can’t afford (but you better look when I come rumbling by your house, shaking your walls) and my kids have to eat PB & J sandwiches. But, after all, I’m manly. I’m part of a culture. I love my cult. Look! I painted myself up with the colors of my favorite cult sports team! I’m manly! Boss, look! I did my job! Please pat me on the back or slap my ass with kudos! I’m manly. I did what I was told to do. Look! I have 522 “friends” on Facebook! Look! I was “liked” by 20 people today. Look! Look! Look! Listen! Listen! Listen! See me. I’m a man. And by God, I’m manly because I’m making you see me and hear me, not because of my accomplishments. Not because of the way I take care of my family. Not because of anything. Just because. And just because I have “things”.
Put that in contrast with the 3 generations of men in my family. We have all worked hard. We have all accomplished many things. None of us drive/drove great big noisy, shiny toys to make our genitals vibrate with glee while disturbing the peace of others and being disrespectful pieces of excrement, (though in our younger years, and I mean 16 – 20 years old, we may have thought drawing attention to ourselves with cars, trucks, motorcycles and the like was cool). All of us could grow food. All of us could hunt. All of us could do repairs on our homes and our vehicles. All of us could fish. All of us could read and write. All of us could do pretty much anything we put our minds to.
And none of us needed to “make” ourselves seen and heard by those around us. None of us went to the boss and said, “look what I did.” If we didn’t hear from the boss, that meant we were doing our job. We let our work speak for itself. Quietly. Not meekly, not weakly, but silently. We are/were the kind of men that get/got a bit embarrassed when noticed by others. But, we were gracious when we were noticed. We didn’t need to pry compliments out of people to make us feel worthwhile. When we changed the oil in the car. We smiled. The accomplishment was/is reward enough. When we opened the door for a lady and got a smile from them… that is/was reward enough. When our family members squeal with delight over a kind gesture or gift. That is/was our affirmation.
We can debate as to why there are so many differences in men now, and all the arguments have validity: Hormones. Bad food. Single parent homes. Pop culture. Government schools. The “women’s rights” movement, to name a few. But, in my opinion, none of those things *has* to turn men into pieces of garbage. Being a piece of garbage is a choice. Being a victim of any of the things that influence personalities is a *choice*.
It’s time for men to start being men again. Let your accomplishments, your kindness, your strength, your boldness, your confidence, and your dedication to making a better world be your reward. Stop trying to “impress” people with the noise you make, the things you buy, the way you dress, or the “art” you have stenciled permanently on your body like a convict. People who notice you for that are not your friends. In fact, many of the people who notice you for any of that may be saying under their breath, “what an arrogant, materialistic, childish piece of crap.”
Rob, i have to say that this resonates with me and my thoughts completely. FYI In my corporate jobs that I have held just getting quietly on with the job was not enough for them. The employer actually put you on an improvement plan if you didnt fill out a bullshit appraisal form every month telling how youve ticked all the boxes. Not saying thats to blame for the affermation stuff, but thought it relevant. By the way, where did you find that photo of me. I thought i was incognito 😁
Back in the 80s there were plenty of guys driving loud trucks/cars and tattoos.
Being a good man requires good father figures in life.
I've worked for horrible bosses and with men who acted like it was still the 1960s glory days who pretty much lead to this future generation that is disconnected from manhood.